Relationship Communication-Skills Tutorial

Recommended Readings: (10-15 mins per reading)

1) What's this thing called responsibility? (preview)

2) Acknowledging: The world's best kept secret. (preview)

3) Looking young and wholesome—a beauty tip from the Mormons. (preview)

4) The exciting difference between sex and intercourse. (preview)

5) How you can tell if someone is deceiving you. (preview)

6) Six barriers to communication you seldom read about. (preview)

7) Must-have conversations with your steady/fiancé (preview)

[ back to FAQ's ]

1) What's this thing called responsibility?

Did you know that very few teachers in any school have the same definition of the word responsibility? Put another way, if you asked all of the teachers in any school to write down its definition, you'd get as many different answers as there are teachers. Now, ask the same question to parents—you get my drift. Is it any wonder why children have a difficult time being responsible?

For example:

— Are you responsible for your partner's health?

In other words, do your communications, (verbal, non-verbal, physical, and psychic) have an effect on your partner's health?

— Are you responsible for your partner's success?

Do your communication-leadership skills work in terms of your partner experiencing being successful? I.e. Are you a nag or a coach?

— Just who is responsible for starting the arguments?

Does how you communicate determine whether or not your partner is automatically driven to argue with you?

— If you are withholding one or more thoughts from your partner then you are abusively dooming them to a life with little or no joy.

If your intention is to be clear about responsibility, this is the place. If others are blaming you then it's you who are not clear about responsibility.

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2) Acknowledging: The world's best kept secret.

This could also be titled, "Acknowledging: The Art and Ethics of Manipulation." Most people are unaware that one cannot not manipulate others. Not unlike a masseuse, the secret is to manipulate in a way that everyone feels good.

For example: Even though I know how it works, and I can absolutely tell when someone is doing it to me because they know it works, it still has the same effect, and I love it. I'm referring to when I'm at a desk and someone comes up and touches my shoulder and says, "That's good." or any other reassuring comment. A wave of euphoria rushes through me. In neurolinguistics the touch is called anchoring a desired behavior. Used intentionally with children and lovers it works magic.

Ironically, undesirable behaviors can be anchored by touching or spanking or criticism, even an unconsciously delivered condescending stink-eye. Think of yelling or a non-verbal judgmental criticism as a physical phenomenon, a wave of energy particles hitting someone. They don't feel good. Criticisms are in fact abusive.

Inappropriate acknowledgment has undesirable effects. If a teacher unconsciously lies and say's, "That was very good" when in truth it was mediocre, it's the beginning of the end of respect of the teacher. The lie becomes an unacknowledged incomplete, a barrier to the experience of communication.

Adults and children thrive on pleasing their loved ones. If you ain't pleasing or being pleased then there is something that's not being acknowledged. Did you know that most arguing is about something else that's not being acknowledged verbally in the relationship? It's seldom about the burnt toast.

Did you know that the foremost reason parents resort to spanking is because they have lost their ability to acknowledge and to elicit acknowledgment—and, they honestly don't know it? Children have no choice other than to misbehave and thwart adults when there is something out-integrity between the parents (something that's not being acknowledged verbally). Children are perfect integrity meters.

Did you know that babies cry when parents are withholding thoughts from each other? A baby can sense when the integrity is out, when something, an incomplete, is occupying the space. A thought withheld serves as a barrier to the experience of love. A baby cries because it truly bothers/hurts him/her when the parents have unconsciously lapsed into their imitation of communication. This article will definitely accelerate your acknowledgment mastery process.

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3) Looking young and wholesome—a beauty tip from the Mormons.

Can you sometimes tell just by looking at someone that there is something untrustworthy about them? —you don't know what it is, it's just an aura, a vibe. Guess what? Your intuition is picking up on an out-integrity, an incomplete of theirs that they are dramatizing non-verbally. At some level they are intending to get caught/acknowledged for something. The vast majority of people are dragging around a lifetime of unacknowledged perpetrations/abuses; it shows on their faces. It's costing them their aliveness.

Do you remember your first lie? Do you remember if you ever got caught for it? Perhaps you are aware of other lies and deceptions for which you never got caught.

Do you know the cost of unacknowledged lies and deceptions? Do you know that your first unacknowledged lie still shows on your face? Forget Botox, do The Clearing Process —it's about restoring and maintaining your integrity, acknowledging your incompletes, your lies and life's accumulated perpetrations; you'll look and feel younger. It's free. It works.

Trustworthy Looking Evaluation:

On a scale of 1 to 10 how do others experience you? (10 is wholesome and trustworthy). You can't get to where you're going if you don't know where you're starting from. If you are walking around believing you come across as honest—when in truth others experience your accumulated, unacknowledged, out-integrities and perpetrations—then, because you have been living a lie, you will continue to produce less-than-desirable results. Perhaps you've been presenting yourself as honest when you know you've been hiding one or more "deal-breakers."

All divorced couples (yes all) simultaneously withheld one or more significant thoughts from each other on their first date.  Withholders automatically attract withholders, they bring their addictions to withholding, to deceiving and to blaming into their relationships. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon.

Insert a number from 1 - 10 and press the Trustworthy button. It's anonymous. Telling the truth here will be of immense value to you. Upon pressing the Trustworthy button the page will refresh as though nothing happened.

This tutorial includes a communication-skills process that will change the way you appear to others, it will actually make you look younger. It will disappear the guilt you've been unconsciously dragging around.

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4) The exciting difference between sex and intercourse.

Most sex therapists agree that technique is not where it's at, that there is no right way.

There is something you can incorporate into your daily life that will transform your experience of sex. It requires no learning, because you already know how to do it. In an intimate personal relationship all communications are foreplay. If sex has become boring or unsatisfying then both are withholding thoughts from each other. Yes, both!

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5) How you can tell if someone is deceiving you?

It's quite simple—if you are deceiving your partner (withholding one or more significant thoughts from him/her) then you have caused him/her to withhold an equal number of significant thoughts from you. There are no exceptions to this phenomenon. Do you recall when your mother lost her ability to tell if you were lying? It's a specific incident that both minds have conveniently "forgotten." Each verbally unacknowledged perpetration is a fork in the road.  Picture what life would have been like if you had never lied, deceived, or abused another. The tutorial includes a free communication process that disappears the negative karma of all life's perpetrations. You've just got to read this recommended reading. "Significant" —a thought which if shared verbally would trigger upset or anger. The word verbally is a reminder that all withholds are being communicated non-verbally. Your partner doesn't know what's wrong (what's in the space) only that the experience of love is missing.

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6) Six barriers to communication that you seldom read about.

All breakdowns in communication, all arguments, all broken agreements, all thwarted intentions can be traced to these communication variables.

Do you know how many divorced couples called a communication-skills coach when things started to turn badly?

Guess how many divorced therapists/counselors called a communication consultant prior to their own divorce?

Do you know why virtually no one calls a communication coach before they decide to divorce?

If you are married there's a 50% chance that you are unconsciously masterminding your own divorce, right now, even if you don't believe it?

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7) Must-have conversations with your steady/fiancé.

A list of 15 different conversations to have with your fiancé or your steady. Each conversation includes optional personal coaching with the Tutorial Coach.

If you are afraid to talk about some of these topics you will not be able to sustain the experience of love and satisfaction in your marriage.

If you are able to have these kinds of conversations before the marriage it will greatly reduce the possibility of many deal-breaking (thoughts about divorce) arguments later. You will also discover if you or your partner are solidly entrenched in belief systems that will serve as barriers to the experience of ever-expanding love that comes through communication.

The difference between communication and talking: As a skilled talker you will eventually shut down your partner and blame him/her for the breakdowns in communication.

Two examples:

1) To spank or not spank our children? Just what are you going to do if your spouse yells abusively at, or hits/spanks, your child? Perhaps you grew up in a household where yelling was normal and head-slapping  was not considered abusive so you might consider yelling/spanking appropriate, but only if it's necessary; if so, have you told your fiancé your beliefs about verbal/physical abuse? How does one create a context at the beginning that precludes the necessity of yelling and spanking?

2) Shall we have a prenuptial agreement, a document that outlines the splitting of the possessions in the event of a divorce? Is your mind open to conversations about a prenuptial agreement or have you unconsciously shut down the space for communication to take place? Does your partner intuitively know to not bring up the subject because they know you'd manipulatively use it as proof of lack of love/commitment?

Discovered too late, your partner's beliefs could be the beginning of the end of the relationship.