Can someone tell when you're lying?

Yes and no. More accurately, some people can and most can't. Most people have so many out-integrities (unacknowledged perpetrations) going on in their life they can't experience the integrity of others. They've lost their ability to be with another.

When a person who operates with a high degree of integrity comes in contact with someone who has lots of incompletes, usually what happens is that each does his/her imitation of communication. Sometimes communication takes place but it's not easy to recreate daily, at will, not unless one does something similar to what's referred to as The Clearing Process. When the mind is empty and has acknowledged of all life's perpetrations, all that's left is space in which to experience or create.

When you interact with a person of integrity they can hear your lies. Sometimes they don't know exactly what it is, just that something is out. It's either a lie, an incomplete, a deceit a withhold. Not unlike the shiftiness of the eyes with a student who hasn't done his/her homework. The student can't look you in the eyes for long (or, if they are in their conning mode, they convincingly look at you).

Perpetrations have mass, they become heavy, they weigh on one's conscience, it actually shows on a person's face. It's easy to see this on some old people's faces. They are so used to lying, about what caused their marriage or life to fail, that they have become their lies. The weight of the perpetration(s) actually bends them over. On the other hand, the before and after photos of communication workshop participants who participate in the clearing processes show a youthening of years.

A person of integrity doesn't have your permission to verbally acknowledge what they see going on in your face. In order to have a relationship with someone of integrity you must say to the person, "Please stop me when you hear me lying or when something I say doesn't feel good/right."

Most people who operate with a high degree of integrity can't function comfortably with those who don't—except in a coaching capacity.

There can be no sustained experience of love in a relationship in which there are verbally unacknowledged out-integrities. A person's consciousness is blocked, sapped, by their non-verbalized, unacknowledged perpetrations, their incompletes. One can't sustain the experience of being with another if there's an incomplete, a withhold or lie occupying the space.

One thing to look for with children is dramatized anger. By dramatized I mean inappropriate, prolonged anger. Such skills are usually learned at home because they work. Children learn that they can use anger as a decoy to detract an adult away from getting the answer to a specific question.

Another communication skill children master is silence. They can absolutely count on most adults not being committed to getting an answer to uncomfortable questions. They know with certainty that most adults will accept, "I dunno."  Asking a child "why" sets up the child to lie.

If, as a parent or teacher, your intention is to master communication you will have to put-in (restore) your integrity. Just as your mother could tell when you are lying so too can a student. At some level, they can tell when you don't intend for them to do the homework completely or when you don't intend for them to pass the course.

Next is The Integrity Process.

It's very important that when you see the Integrity Form that you don't think of it as a Things to do List. On the contrary, it's simply a snapshot of what's so right now. The value comes from your willingness to tell the truth (to yourself).

Here's The Integrity Process

You may also open it as a PDF form, print it out and share it. It's free.

[ Back to Integrity pg. 1 ]

[ top ]